Brain Dump

Do you know that feeling where you simply don’t know how to articulate your thoughts? Well, that’s been me for the past three weeks. As I sit here and try to think of something to write about, I keep finding myself writing a paragraph and then abruptly deleting it. I am simply stumped. 

There are a few reasons that I have been stumped but the primary reason is that I am in this state where I feel like everything is happening but also nothing is happening. Every June there is this hype for the summer. Everyone is just pumped to get going. I tend to keep myself super busy in the summers and I miss out on some of the hype. This summer I am working a full time 9-5 “big girl” job, working part-time as a server/cover girl, and taking three online summer courses. So yes, I am busy, but I feel this sense of nothing is happening. I know when my course gets going in mid-July, I will feel super busy, but I am still a month away. I am just waiting to get busy. 

My plans for the coming years are changing drastically and I can’t seem to wrap my head around living in this uncertainty. As an insanely planned person, this is extremely uncomfortable for me. For the first time in my life, I feel as if I am forced to sit with my thoughts and really evaluate what I want. It’s pretty fucking weird. I can’t rely on my five-year plan anymore because it simply does not represent who I am right now. Maybe in eight months I will completely change my mind, but as of right now, I am forcing myself to go with the flow.  

I don’t really know what this blog is. Maybe a brain dump? Maybe a rant? Maybe free therapy? Breah, when you see this, I miss you.